According to a study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, “marriage burnout is often a result of unrealistic expectations combined with accumulated life stress, which leads to emotional exhaustion and diminished intimacy.” Burnout does not manifest suddenly but is a slow process that often goes unnoticed until it reaches a critical point.
Burnout is not exclusive to long-term marriages. It can occur in newlywed couples if the reality does not live up to the fairy tale they had envisioned. It can also occur in couples of any age when stress from work, boredom, or small but cumulative irritations start to build up.
Signs of Marriage Burnout
The first step of overcoming marriage burnout is recognizing it exists and that it is an issue. Some signs of marriage burnout include:
Feeling exhausted, hopeless, and stuck in the marriage.
Losing interest in being intimate with your partner.
Focusing on all the things your spouse is doing wrong instead on the ones you fell for him in the first place.
Feeling as though your needs are never or not quite met.
Remember that if you have ever experienced any of these feelings, you are not alone. Research suggests that a number of couples in midlife experience these sorts of changes in their priorities and expectations which actually leads to these feelings. The good thing is that marriage burnout doesn’t need to be a permanent condition and can actually be overcome.
Preventing and Recovering from Marriage Burnout
Below are several strategies couples can adopt in order to overcome marriage burnout.
1. Look on the Bright Side
Instead of concentrating on what your partner is doing wrong, try to focus on the things you like about them. Studies have found that positive reinforcement and appreciation in a relationship lead to increased marital satisfaction and decreased conflict, as described in Gottman & Silver, 2015. A simple exercises would be to keep a “love book” in which you write down the activities and qualities you like about your spouse on a daily basis.
2. Say “Thank You”
Make it a point to remind your spouse that you love them, appreciate them, or thank them for something nice that they have done. Couples who show appreciation for each other have reported increased feelings of emotional intimacy and reduced stress level, according to a study in the Journal of Family Psychology.
3. Take Time to Talk
Oftentimes, happy couples communicate freely about their lives, feelings, and dreams. On the other hand, burned-out couples rarely discuss difficult subjects, confining their conversations to matters of planning meals or running errands.
